Venting

All right, I admit that I'm going to vent here. I need to get this all out there before I lose my mind. So, this post is for my sanity's sake.

I HATE mornings. Really, really honest to goodness hate them. And it's not for the typical reason. It's true that some mornings it's hard to get up because I'm tired (especially being pregnant), but that's not the reason I hate them. The reason is that by the time I get the kids off to school, I wish that they were heading to Siberia, not just around the corner to the school. They hate me by then, and I'm not feeling mushy gooshy feelings towards them either.

This stems from a few huge problems. The first is that getting Kabe to begin getting ready for the day is like dragging a limp rag doll out of bed and expecting it to start running in circles. It's like this for a very long time before he hits panic, the-bell-is-going-to-ring mode. Then it's horrible for everyone, running around and trying to be ready on time. The other is that Evan loves to read (I always hoped for this, now it drives me crazy) so much that I can't get him to stop to get ready. Every time I ask him to do something he gets angry and frustrated that he has to stop reading to do it.

The thing that I most desire for my kids is for them to be happy, healthy, honest, and kind people who have strong testimonies. When I think about these goals, I feel like I am failing miserably as a parent. The happy and healthy part we are doing okay on. The other three things, I'm not sure we'll ever get there. As for being honest, I am catching them lying constantly. From whether or not they brushed their teeth, to hiding their toys instead of putting them away, to flushing the potty and wiping their bums (TMI, I know. Sorry!). I'm considering doing a 'Truth Jar' where every time they lie they have to put a quarter in or something. That's still on the drawing board though. It frustrates me that we teach and teach them to be honest, then they lie right to our faces and don't think anything about it. As for being kind, mornings turn them into absolute monsters. They are yelling at each other and me and saying mean and hurtful things. My only consolation on this one is that they really are generally kind to others, just not at home where it matters the most. As for testimonies, both boys complain about going to church and reading scriptures. Getting them to say prayers is like asking them to do a huge chore. Family prayer is a total joke. Most of the time someone is in time out before the prayer is finished. And, since Addie insists on saying every single prayer, they aren't very long. But still, someone always has time to be completely irreverant.

I don't want it to seem like I'm saying that I have bad kids. My kids are very good kids with great big hearts and I love them to pieces. I feel like all of these things are failure on my part, not theirs. It's my job to teach them, and I'm not living up to that responsibility. And then I realize that I'm having another one very soon and wonder what on earth I'm thinking, that I have any right to do this again when I'm not successful with the ones I have now.

This is not just something that I'm frustrated with today and it will blow over tomorrow. It's been like this since school started and I just don't know what to do about it. I've tried lots of different things, from sticker charts to taking away privileges to putting vinegar on their tongues for lying. I feel like everything works for a day or two, then we're back to square one. I'd love any suggestions any of you have!